In the land of Puddinglamb, among the Sixteen Rivers of Honeykiss, there was a scopoloos named Shosty, who lived with his wife, Ioya, in a small wooden cottage. If you don't already know, and rumors are that you don't, the scopolooses are a race of beings that look like a humungous seals, except their skin is as smooth as fine silk, their arms are wiry, and their legs are short and fat like those of a hippo. They have an elongated, round head, oval eyes, a pudgy nose, and small, cup shaped ears that are tucked underneath their skin. The males are light purple in color with dark eyes, while the females are white with purple stripes wrapped around their girth. Embedded in the Sixteen Rivers of Honeykiss, there is pebble after pebble of huxol, a green and yellow jewel that the scopolooses grind up to make elegant bowls, cups, saucers, plates, pottery, little trinkets, and just about anything under the sun, including a huxol coffin filled with dozens of huxol ornaments, if one is old fashioned enough to try and bribe The Grim Jim.

The one thing all scopolooses have in common is that they love to eat. They eat just about everything in sight, especially if it is alive and has a predilection to remain that way, and if your creditor ever sells them a map to your house, they will eat you, too. They love to munch on joohoots, brunch on gothicflames, lunch on red happylegs, and I have a hunch that they would crunch a whole pond of taxicobs, tossing them down with peppermintglob punch if they had the chance.

One night, as the late moon storms shook the cottage, causing the floorboards to fly up and down like a forest of seewsaws, Shosty was wide awake, thinking of an idea for a lovely gift to give to his beloved on their anniversary. His wife was sound asleep, snoring like seventy mulboars climbing seventy mountains. He wanted a special gift, for he was often away working, trying to sell all the precious huxol objects to ladderhips, oglopokes, and peesdrains in far away lands. His wife worked at the rivers, supervising the polishing of the huxol as it was removed from the cloudy waters, and she was upset when he was away from home, even though he worked hard because he loved her so. As he lay in their four pole chestnut bed, he looked at his love, whose greenish violet tongue was licking nestlingslunk crumbs off her nose. Then an idea struck him- an idea not bold or original at all, but still a thought from his heart, which is all that some creatures need to act on- an idea to give his wife a surprise meal the morning of their anniversary.

So the next day, Shosty scampered to the food market, which was a large, four-cornered space cut into the ground and appeared as if the largest diamond in the world had been removed from the earth, leaving a perfect spot for hundreds of vendors to sell everything and their mother that a scopoloos would put into their watery holes. He bought junmunks, hoolabirds, lopdeer, and giant lukrens; and he traded for a forest swan, two buck-toothed tarfridges, a family of clawingdrones, and a sea sparrow, which tastes better if you save the beak for last. He tried putting all the creatures into a basket made of kolavines, but the basket was too small, so he stuffed it and stuffed it and stuffed it some more, tightly packing the creatures against one another, until he fit every last one into the basket. After tying a giant red bow and a bouquet of sinroses around the basket, he took it home and hid it underneath a dock at the Oli River.

On the morning of his anniversary, before the spirits of the rivers dabbed makeup on the sun, Shosty retrieved the basket from underneath the dock and tied it to a sturdy kinrope, dangling the treasures above his snoozing wife. He was so excited by his gift that he could barely sleep, so he sat, watching the basket twirl, occasionally giving his wife a soft kiss on the forehead. Then, an hour later, he heard a tapping at his bedroom window. He looked outside and saw the face of his friend and business partner, Plunker, who actually looked in a good mood for once. Quietly, he tiptoed outside. "What is it?" he asked.

"You have to come with me to Betroleum," Plunker said. "Mr. and Mrs.Beetlebuns, Mr. and Mrs.Lunglip, Mr. and Mrs.Lovedungeon, and old Mrs.Oilbeams want to buy hundreds of huxol tea sets to trade when they travel this year. We must arrive there before morning, or we will lose the sale to someone else."

"I want to be with my wife this morning. Today is our anniversary," Shosty said.

"This is the opportunity we have waited for," Plunker said. "I can't do this without you."

Shosty knew he was right, for the money they could make this morning would be more than they made the previous three months, the type of one-day haul one dreams about when one still has time to dream. So he wrote Ioya a note, telling her how much he loved her and would miss her, on this, their special day. As he gathered his clothes and teapots, he smelled the bodies of the delicious creatures in the basket, and he knew that the scent must be bringing his wife beautiful dreams. He paused, wishing he could see her beaming face when she awoke to find the scrumptious treasures above her. But he had to go, to satisfy his other love, selling teapots to others, so they could trade teapots to someone else, in exchange for a yet to be determined non-teapot object. So he kissed his sleeping beloved and left with Plunker, hoping he would be back home in a few days, bringing with him a chest full of crimson cash, or, possibly, walking a poodle that pooped ruby peanuts.

Now, as the basket hung above Ioya, it appeared as if it was about to explode because the pressure on the kolavines was intense and they weakened during the night, causing the strings of the basket to bust loose. The creatures used all their strength to escape, but they were scrunched so close together they could barely breathe. "Have we made any gains?" a lukren asked.

"I stll can't see anything. Can you?" a lopdeer replied.

The creatures struggled and struggled, starting conflicts between one another, until a clawingdrone squirmed to the bottom of the basket. "Wait, no one move," she said. "I almost have a loose string."

After a few minutes of restless rolling, twitching, and squirming, the creatures became still, listening intently for any good news from the clawingdrone, who reached with her pointed beak for the loose string. Then, as the creatures seemed to collectively hold their breath, the clawingdrone caught the string and pulled it, causing the basket slowly to break apart until it burst open, sending all the creatures falling down on top of Ioya. Quickly, the creatures scrambled all over Ioya and pinned her down. She woke up, half-asleep, trying to collect herself. The lopdeer sat on her hands and feet, the hoolabirds used their beaks to pinch her skin until she stopped wriggling, and the lukrens ran up and down her body, making her feel paralyzed. Then the rest of the creatures grabbed the small bit of kinrope that held the basket and used it to tie her feet to the bed. "Keep her down so everyone can sneak away," a hoolabird said.

"No," one of the clawingdrones said. "It is time we teach these beasts a lesson!"

"We must leave now," a buck-toothed tarfridge said. "It will be too dangerous when the sun comes up."

But the clawingdrones didn't listen. Using their beaks, they grabbed the pudgy nose of the frightened scopoloos and pulled on it until it began to stretch. As they kept pulling, making the nose grow longer and longer, Ioya screamed in pain. Then, after seeing the joy on the faces of the clawingdrones, the other creatures joined in, tugging and yanking and jerking with all their might, creating a chain of creatures that could fill a small forest, until the nose stretched all over the house. Finally, after satisfying their lust for revenge, the creatures let go of Ioya, who flopped back and forth on the bed with her feet still tied to the bed poles. Then all of the creatures snuck out of the cottage and traveled down the rivers as quiet as a napquack.

Tears rolled down Ioya's face and the green droplets stained her skin. Her nose slowly receded like a long coil. Eventually, after the throbbing pain subsided, she collected herself and untied her feet.

Ioya looked in the mirror and was horrified at what she saw. Her nose was as long as her body, extending from her face to the floor. She tried jamming the nose back in, but the more she pushed it, the more the nose would extend longer and longer. She looked away from the mirror, but her nose remained in her eyesight. After lumbering through the house, she returned to her bedroom and she found her husband's note and read it. A part of her wished Shosty was here to care for her, but another part of her worried that he would laugh at her ugly nose. Soon she was lost in thought, making the next few hours pass like a momentary breeze. Then she realized she had to go out to work, even though she wished she could stay hidden, hoping this nightmare would end. Desperately, she looked for something to cover her nose, but the garments she wrapped around her face made her look even more ridiculous than the nose itself. So, cautiously, like a frightened mouse peeking its head out of its hole, she left her cottage and walked to the Lugo River, where she worked.

When she arrived at the river, all of the workers starting laughing, for they believed their boss was playing a practical joke on them. "Where did you get that?" one of the workers asked. "That is the ugliest mask I have ever seen."

Ioya looked away, pretending to examine the tools they used to dry and polish the huxol. "I had an accident. My nose will heal in a few days," she said, picking up a scarfile. "I want these cleaned again before we start work for the day."

"Are you serious?" another worker asked as the workers gathered around her. "This is real?"

Ioya turned away, but the workers laughed at her and grabbed her nose like children racing for a bowl of candy. "It's time to go to work," she said, irritated. The workers didn't listen. They laughed and laughed and laughed some more, and at times laughed so hard that they rolled on the ground. Workers from other areas came over to see the commotion, and soon they were laughing and pulling on Ioya's nose, which began to hurt from all the harassment.

Finally, Ioya's boss walked over. "Go to your stations," he said to the workers, sending them off. Perplexed, he examined Ioya's nose. "What happened to you?" he asked.

"It was just an accident," she replied.

"Well, you can't be here. You are distracting the workers," he said. "Go home and rest. I'm sure it will be okay in a few days. Then you can come back to work." Ioya pleaded with her boss, but he wouldn't listen and forced her to leave.

Word about Ioya's nose spread through the village, and as she walked home, scopoloos after scopoloos- from the youngest to the oldest- came up to her, laughing and pulling on her long nose. Even her friends, who were worried when they heard something had happened to Ioya, were put off when they saw her in person. "Do you need anything?" her best friend Skellypop asked. "You really should stay inside until you are better."

Ioya didn't respond and ran home as fast as her pudgy legs would take her, tearing away from the giggling village children who followed her, and called her "Lord Ugly of the Long Noses."

That night Ioya tried to sleep, but she was so worried about her nose that she tossed and turned in bed, making the bedbugs jump off for safer territory. When the late moon storms arrived, she felt a sense of relief, for she hoped the pounding rain would cleanse her of this nightmare. But soon her thoughts consumed her, and she worried that her husband would not love her when he saw her ugly nose. So she paced the floors, occasionally looking in the mirror at her sad face, until she found the sharpest knife in the house and put it up to her nose. With her eyes closed as tight as a knot, she tried to cut her nose off. But every time the blade touched her skin, the pain was so intense she couldn't go through with it. Eventually, as her thoughts became as dark as the night, she knew she couldn't face anyone in the village, especially her husband, whom she now feared would abandon her. So she locked up the cottage and ran off in the heavy, fearless rain.

The next morning Shosty returned to the cottage, happily carrying a bundle of beautiful quilts that he had bought for his wife with his newfound riches. He didn't see her at home so he thought she had left early for work. He went to the Lugo River, but all the workers laughed as they told him about her nose. "What did you do to her?" they asked.

Shosty was confused, for he believed that everyone was joking with him, but as he went through the village, the story of his wife's nose was repeated again and again. Then a young scopoloos named Holprome, who was carrying a drawing of a long nosed scopoloos, ran up to him. "I won't let Lord Ugly Nose capture my mommy and drown her in the river," he said.

"Who told you that?" Shosty asked, bewildered.

At that moment he saw a group of teenage scopolooses laughing in the distance before quickly running away. Shosty ran home to see if his wife had returned, but all he found was the busted basket, and he realized she had left for good. So he packed a few things in a lurby sack and hurried across the countryside, determined to find his wife.

Now, Ioya, who was too stressed to get a moment of sleep, traveled through the previous night, avoiding all the surrounding villages. She ran and ran until she came to a family of junmunks who were huddled next to the bank of the Rewmo River, the largest river in the land. "Leave them alone!" a voice yelled.

Ioya looked across the river where hundreds of junmunks paced back and forth. Then she looked down and saw a collapsed bridge, battered by the late moon storms. "What happened?" she asked the family of junmunks.

"We ran to eat gluckbugs that hatched during the storm, but the bridge collapsed," the mother junmunk said, cowering. "Please don't eat us."

Ioya looked sympathetically at the junmunks.Then she stretched her nose out, and one by one she lifted them to the other side of the river where their friends immediately embraced them. After lifting the last junmunk to safety, she wrapped her nose around the trunk of an olin tree on the other side of the river and swung herself across the rushing water. "Thank you," the junmunks said. "Come to our homes. We want to give you a gift."

Ioya nodded gracefully, however, and ran off in the distance. She ran and ran until she came to a small woods where a herd of lopdeer scattered upon her arrival. As she watched the lopdeer run off, she noticed one lopdeer lying wounded in the brush and being nursed by another one. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"My husband was bitten by an fratsnake," the lopdeer replied. "He will die soon."

"Is their anything I can do?" Ioya asked.

"No," the lopdeer said, looking down with a tear in her eye. "The only antidote is pocklor buried in Hortin Hill."

Instantly, Ioya hurried off to Hortin Hill, which was one mile away, hidden deep in the woods. Using her nose, she dug into the hill, deeper and deeper and deeper still, until she felt the thick texture of pocklor. After snorting a small chunk of pocklor, which gave her skin a soft tickle, she pulled her nose out of the hill, returned to the edge of the woods, and softly dashed the gooey liquid on the lopdeer's wounds. Before long, the lopdeer was healed, but before the couple could thank Ioya, she ran off in the distance.

She ran and ran until she came to Sewa's Peak, where hoolabirds circled the area and appeared lost in despair. When the hoolabirds saw Ioya coming, they quickly flew away. As Ioya looked around, she saw giant boulders lying at the base of the small mountain, and she realized that an avalanche must have destroyed all the hoolabirds' nests that lined the side of the cliff. So, after stretching out her nose as far as it could reach, she picked through the rubble scattered on the side of the mountain and skillfully removed all the rocks, dirt, and mangled brush. Then, branch by branch, like a master architect at work, she carefully rebuilt the hoolabird's nests and placed them back on the cliff, adding extra support to each home. After watching Ioya from a distance, the hoolabirds returned, flapping their wings merrily at the sight of their rebuilt nests. But before they could land and thank Ioya, she ran off in the distance.

Ioya ran and ran, but before long, she became tired, too tired to go any further. So she fell asleep under a PillowWillow Tree, with its large, looping branches shading her from the sun.

Now, Shosty pursued his wife with all his spirit. Eventually, he came to the Rewmo River, where he climbed down the bank and swam across. When he reached the other side, he came upon the junmunks and captured one of them in his hand. "Don't eat me," the junmunk said. "A scopoloos saved us yesterday."

"What scopoloos would save you?" Shosty asked, chuckling.

"She had a very long nose," the junmunk replied. "She carried us over the river."

"Where did she go?" Shosty asked as he quickly released the junmunk.

Then the other junmunks came out of hiding and told Shosty what happened. "She traveled west, but she left before we could give her this," they said, handing Shosty a pouch filled with seeds. "Plant these and delicious red furflowers will grow to satisfy your hunger."

Shosty put the seeds in his lurby sack and ran off. Before long, he came to the small woods, and his presence scared the lopdeer. "Has any of you seen a long-nosed scopoloos?" he yelled to the fleeing lopdeer.

"Yes," a lopdeer replied, stopping. "She saved my husband from dying from a fratsnakebite."

"Which way did she go?" Shosty asked.

The lopdeer pointed north, but before Shosty left, she gave him a vase filled with a thick liquid. "Pour this into the ground and you will have a pond of whisperingwater that will fill your belly for years and years," she said.

So Shosty put the vase in his lurby sack and ran off. Before long, he approached Sewa's Peak, and a hoolabird swooped down near his head. "Are you looking for a long-nosed scopoloos?" the hoolabird asked.

"Yes," Shosty replied. "Where did she go?"

"She traveled northeast," the hoolabird said. Then the other hoolabirds flew over and dropped a small niptree down to Shosty. "She rebuilt our homes and this is a thank you from us," one hoolabird said. "Plant it and it will bloom, providing you with plenty of fruit for you to eat." So Shosty put the niptree in his lurby sack and ran off as fast as he could.

Now, Ioya remained sound asleep for hours. Eventually, she was awakened by a scream. She climbed a small hill nearby and saw a baby clawingdrone who was too young to fly surrounded by a pack of hungry blue foxes, growling furiously. Other clawingdrones looked on, but they couldn't help. Extending her nose as far as she could, Ioya grabbed the baby clawingdrone and quickly ran away. The blue foxes chased her, biting and clawing at her flesh. Cuts opened on her sides with blood squirting all over, but she kept running, holding the baby clawingdrone firmly with her nose.

Shosty, who had never rested from searching for his wife, approached a field of turbo rice when he saw Ioya being chased in the distance. Quickly, he grabbed stones lying outside the field and ran after the blue foxes. Soon he caught up to them, and he threw the stones at their scrawny ribs, battering them one after another, until they dashed away to escape. As Shosty and Ioya caught their breath, the clawingdrones retrieved their baby. "Thank you," they said. "We owe you a lot. We will find a gift for you."

"No," Ioya said. "Just help others when you have the chance. That will be thanks enough." So the clawingdrones bowed gracefully and left, tending to their frightened baby.

Shosty and Ioya stared at one another. "I love you and I miss you," Shosty said, as he cleaned Ioya's wounds. "I need you to come back home."

"But everyone will laugh at my nose," she said. "And if I can't work, I'm no good to anybody."

"Look at these," Shosty said, pulling the pouch of seeds, the vase, and the niptree out of his lurby sack. "They are thank you presents from the creatures you saved."

After examining the gifts, Ioya agreed to return to the village with her husband. When they arrived back home, all the villagers gathered around the couple, laughing and taunting them. After Shosty told them about Ioya's good deeds, they laughed some more. "Why did you save those wretched creatures?" they asked.

Shosty scattered the seeds on the ground, poured the liquid out of the vase, and planted the niptree in fresh soil. Suddenly, the seeds blossomed into a field of red furflowers, the liquid turned into a large pond, and the niptree grew and grew until thousands of fruits hung from its branches. Then plumpkats ran through the red furflowers, sourcroaks appeared in the pond, and little parfins flew in to perch on the branches of the niptree. All the scopolooses stood looking on in amazement. They examined the red furflowers and said, "They smell weird. We won't taste that." So they chased the plumpkats around until they captured them all, and gobbled them up one after another.

After walking around the pond, they tasted the whisperingwater. "Yuck!" they squealed. "This tastes awful." So they swam through the pond, chasing the sourcroaks until they captured them all, and gobbled them up one after another.

Then all the scopolooses picked fruit off the niptree and tasted it. "This isn't so bad," they said, "and it has no bones to digest."

They sat next to the niptree and watched the parfins glide through the air circling the tree. "I bet those parfins are delicious," they said, "but they are beautiful. Perhaps the village would be better to have them around."

So the the entire village thanked Ioya for the delicious plumpkats, sourcroaks, and the tolerable fruit. They admired the parfins, and Ioya convinced them to have a greater appreciation for junmunks, hoolabirds, lopdeer, and clawingdrones as well. Eventually, they decided to only eat them on holidays. And weekends.

Slowly they changed, enjoying the world around them, and when dealing with the scopolooses, that is all one can hope for. With a new type of love and wonder in their hearts, they learned to appreciate Ioya's long nose, which became useful for everything from digging up and polishing huxol to unplugging the toliet. Ioya came to accept her long nose, and she lived happily the rest of her life with her devoted husband by her side.

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